birthing something new

 1 Samuel

"There once was a man who lived in Ramathaim. He was descended from the old Zuph family in the Ephraim hills. His name was Elkanah. (He was connected with the Zuphs from Ephraim through his father Jeroham, his grandfather Elihu, and his great-grandfather Tohu.) He had two wives. The first was Hannah; the second was Peninnah. Peninnah had children; Hannah did not.

Every year this man went from his hometown up to Shiloh to worship and offer a sacrifice to God-of-the-Angel-Armies. Eli and his two sons, Hophni and Phinehas, served as the priests of God there. When Elkanah sacrificed, he passed helpings from the sacrificial meal around to his wife Peninnah and all her children, but he always gave an especially generous helping to Hannah because he loved her so much, and because God had not given her children. But her rival wife taunted her cruelly, rubbing it in and never letting her forget that God had not given her children. This went on year after year. Every time she went to the sanctuary of God she could expect to be taunted. Hannah was reduced to tears and had no appetite.

 Her husband Elkanah said, “Oh, Hannah, why are you crying? Why aren’t you eating? And why are you so upset? Am I not of more worth to you than ten sons?”  So Hannah ate. Then she pulled herself together, slipped away quietly, and entered the sanctuary. The priest Eli was on duty at the entrance to God’s Temple in the customary seat. Crushed in soul, Hannah prayed to God and cried and cried—inconsolably. Then she made a vow:

Oh, God-of-the-Angel-Armies,
If you’ll take a good, hard look at my pain,
If you’ll quit neglecting me and go into action for me
By giving me a son,
I’ll give him completely, unreservedly to you.
I’ll set him apart for a life of holy discipline.

It so happened that as she continued in prayer before God, Eli was watching her closely. Hannah was praying in her heart, silently. Her lips moved, but no sound was heard. Eli jumped to the conclusion that she was drunk. He approached her and said, “You’re drunk! How long do you plan to keep this up? Sober up, woman!”

Hannah said, “Oh no, sir—please! I’m a woman hard used. I haven’t been drinking. Not a drop of wine or beer. The only thing I’ve been pouring out is my heart, pouring it out to God. Don’t for a minute think I’m a bad woman. It’s because I’m so desperately unhappy and in such pain that I’ve stayed here so long.”

Eli answered her, “Go in peace. And may the God of Israel give you what you have asked of him.”
“Think well of me—and pray for me!” she said, and went her way. Then she ate heartily, her face radiant.  Up before dawn, they worshiped God and returned home to Ramah. Elkanah slept with Hannah his wife, and God began making the necessary arrangements in response to what she had asked.

Before the year was out, Hannah had conceived and given birth to a son. She named him Samuel, explaining, “I asked God for him.”

When Elkanah next took his family on their annual trip to Shiloh to worship God, offering sacrifices and keeping his vow, Hannah didn’t go. She told her husband, “After the child is weaned, I’ll bring him myself and present him before God—and that’s where he’ll stay, for good.”  Elkanah said to his wife, “Do what you think is best. Stay home until you have weaned him. Yes! Let God complete what he has begun!”  So she did. She stayed home and nursed her son until she had weaned him. Then she took him up to Shiloh, bringing also the makings of a generous sacrificial meal—a prize bull, flour, and wine. The child was so young to be sent off!

They first butchered the bull, then brought the child to Eli. Hannah said, “Excuse me, sir. Would you believe that I’m the very woman who was standing before you at this very spot, praying to God? I prayed for this child, and God gave me what I asked for. And now I have dedicated him to God. He’s dedicated to God for life.”

Then and there, they worshiped God.

There are many reasons I love this book and this story.  One of them is that it's my grandmother's favorite too.  I sat with her one day and we talked about this and how she loved to read about the faith Hannah had, and the promise that came from that.  

Hannah had many reasons to feel discouraged and bitter, but instead of letting all of those emotions dictate her faithfulness to the Lord - she just prayed.  And it was not some "Dear God, just....." it was a heartfelt, tearful, from the depths of her soul, taking it to the foot of the cross, pleading to God in Heaven, being on her face, faith that moves mountains, prayer.  

It was in that, that she gave everything in her over to the Lord.  Literally.  I love what happened next.

"and God began making the necessary arrangements in response to what she had asked."

The Lord was working behind the scenes, in ways she couldn't see at the time, and in those deep places in her heart, that came out of her intensity for Him.  Then one day......what she must have felt that first day she knew she was with child.  I can't even imagine what that must have been like for her.

Well, I kinda can.  Maybe not physically, as in I all the sudden become pregnant.....but, how that feels the day God does something huge that I have been praying for, that I couldn't see He had been working on all the time.   

God is always working behind what our earthly and physical eyes and mind can see and understand.  He is always many steps ahead of us.  He is always preparing us to birth something new for His glory, His kingdom, His plan, His love.  

Now that I have a home, that is completed, it's time for the next part of the journey, for new things to be birthed.  

Adjusting to all the dirty hand prints on the newly painted walls, little black curly hairs in the bathrooms sink from hair picking, a drawer just for cereal, a drawer just for hot chips and noodles, a drawer just for freeze pops, a couch that constantly moves because it is being jumped on, flipped over, and used as a wrestling ring, a sticky porch, dirty floors, dirty dishes, taking the trash out several times a day, grocery store trips just about every day, and it goes on and on and on, new things I have never had to do before, experience, learn to deal with, and walk through.  

My friend Courtney reminded me last week, "in those moments when you want to get frustrated because your favorite juice in the refrigerator is all gone, just stop, and be thankful that you have little ones to drink it all up."  Wise friend.  

Hannah went to the Lord with the thing she desired most in the world, and she told the Lord that if He would give her that, she would give him back to Him.  And what God had planned for Samuel - came out of her willingness to sacrifice herself to the Lord.

This morning I was making my rounds picking up boys to take them to school.  I pick up JaDarius every morning at 7:30.  He's always sitting on the front steps at his house, with his backpack on, his little hoodie, and just waiting on me to get there.  I had a little "moment" as I watched him walk to the car, just stopping and being so thankful that he is alive.  He was shot back in December the day before they got out for Christmas break.  It's a miracle he is alive, really.  And here we are only 5 months later and he is healing and recovering from something the enemy tried to use to kill him.  Caught him yesterday trying to take a nap on my bed.  I love it. 

When I went to the Lord on this journey, poured my heart out to the Lord, and told Him I would do anything He wanted me to do......He took me up on that.  The good, the bad, the hard, the ugly, the funny, all of it.  Just like Hannah, giving all of herself to the Lord, her blessing and reward was birthing one of the greatest priest in the history of the world.  I'll take all the little curly hairs and dirty walls for my little army of warriors that are being birthed in this season.