effort. sacrifice. payoff.

as i bent down to shave my right leg this morning in the shower i had an amazing thing happen. i felt and saw my calf muscle for the first time! i have been running and spinning, a lot, lately. i teach spin classes every week, was teaching 4times a week this summer, and i am training for my second 1/2 marathon in december. so, i am working extra hard, not missing a day, hurting when i run, sometimes crying, all that bad stuff that comes along with it. BUT. today was one of those glimpses of how all my effort and sacrifice is paying off. i physically saw the return on my investment. it hit me, it is worth it. i still have a long way to go, but it fires me up even more now, especially after my kartwheel in the shower.

made me think. it is no different than fulfulling the great commission. jesus calls us to this, we are his disciples, no different than the 12.

Matthew 28:18-20. Jesus came to them and said, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”

i can imagine that the disciples thought to themselves "do what? does he realize how hard this is going to be? how long this will take? is he crazy?" i say the same thing to Joey Poole when we are running sometimes too.

but the beauty is that Jesus GAVE us authority to do this. he didn't ask us if we wanted to, or if we would pray about it, or that we had an option. read this again....

Jesus came to them and said, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”

Jesus came. Jesus said. Jesus gave. Jesus commanded. Jesus was with.

i mean, as surely as i saw the results of all the hard work i have been putting into my running this morning, even more so do i see the results of all the effort and sacrifice i put into the command given to us. i see it. i know it. it is worth it. every single bit of it.

jesse and jesus

jesse and his girlfriend ashely moved in behind us about 6 weeks ago. they have been coming to thursday night bible study every week since they got here. i have gotten to spend a lot of time with them, getting to know them, loving them. jesse has battled a cocaine addiction, being free from it for over 2 years. two weeks ago he gave in to that past addiction and made some bad choices. but we still love him. i got to stand on the sidewalk with him, with tears coming down his face, asking for our forgiveness. he was broken over his sin. he was broken of his manipulation of us. he was broken over his deceit. but we still love him. we told him. he couldn't understand how we could still love him. our only answer to that was, because jesus still loves us. all broken, sinners, but redeemed.

yesterday was a beautiful day for jesse. in the middle of worship and the words of this song

no place i'd rather be
than here in your love
so set a fire down in my soul
that i can't contain that i can't control
i want more of you God, more of you

jesse gave his life to Jesus. tears coming down his face, but this time they were tears of giving everything in his life to the one that loves him more than we ever could. it was one of the most beautiful days i have had the honor to see here.

no.more.excuses.

excuses. i have made many many in my life. excuses for why i can't do something, why i shouldn't do something, why i am not doing something. i get tired of tryin to think of an excuse so i just decided i wouldn't make any, anymore.

i was driving all day on tuesday. from jackson to biloxi to gautier to slidell. en route to slidell i was tired of sitting in my truck, i knew i needed to run but kept saying to myself - i can't run because there is no where to go. how silly. i was drivin down hwy 90 parallel to the beach. um, i love the beach. it's a perfect place to run. so i stopped at wendy's, changed in the bathroom, and had a nice 3.5 mile run down the beach boulevard. it was just fabulous.

same thing in new orleans for work. making excuse that i didn't have time, where would i run. how silly. my co-worker is training for a 1/2 marathon too, so we both needed to run. it's her first time to new orleans, so we laced up and i took her running through the city. we went all the way through the french market, around jackson square, down bourbon, up canal, down magazine and ended up on the riverwalk. a nice 4 miles.

i conquered my excuses this week. i have no excuse for making excuses anymore for the can'ts, shouldn'ts and won'ts.

simple love

the biggest thing jesus has opened my eyes to is....simple love. we make love so complicated. it really is not complicated at all. i figure if i can learn to love the hardest to love, then it will be easier to love the easiest to love. maybe?

saturday morning i was walking from one side of wwgo to the other, where the garden is. on davis street there is a family that i have grown to love. ms. bernice is the grandmother. she is in her late 50's, at the very end of her life battle with AIDS. her husband was in prison, raped and infected. came home and infected her. she is sicker than he is now. she has the heavy burden of 5 grandchildren in her home to take care of. their mother (her daughter) is in and out. praying for complete redemption in her mind, body and heart. their dad is aloof as well. kenyata is 15. aaron is 11. amir is 5. alexis is 2. baby a'zaih is 3 months. i love these kids as much as i love my sisters kids. i love going over and seeing them. standing on the porch with ms. bernice, giving her a hug and talking to her. aaron was sitting in one of the cars listening to music. i walked over to him and asked him to come over to the garden with us, just to hang out, not realizing how much he needed it.

he starts 5th grade. was supposed to go friday but didn't, not real sure why. he has a sweet smile. gentle attitude. peaceful spirit. broken heart. he is starting to feel the same burden his grandmother feels having to take care of his brothers and sisters. with his mom not there much, his dad in jail right now. we just sat and talked for a while. talked about sports, friends, school and family. he wants to be a scientist. he is smart enough to be anything we wants. he loves basketball the most, especially lebron - oh yeah! he stayed for lunch with us. we walked him home.

what i know now. aaron was sitting in that car listening to music to get away from the burden he carries inside their house. to have some time to be alone. he walked to the garden and spent time with us because he felt loved. he is loved. as simple as it may seem to some, it is still loving him. it is simple love.

perspectives

i don't know how my life could ever go back to the way it was before. how could it? my perspective on everything is different now. i mean everything. i remember praying six months ago - lord, break my heart for what breaks yours. he did. every single day he shows me things that break his. whether it is on my porch, my twitter updates, where i am working, or in me. each day he shows me. we have not because we ask not. ask and you shall receive. you ask, he will give.

perspective. never in my life did i think i would find myself 33, single, living in downtown jackson, a missionary. really? once was blind, now i see. the house i live in for now, just tonight full of so much of what breaks his heart. starting with me. standing in a circle, all holding hands, crying out to jesus. i stood there and looked at the faces, the hearts, the eyes, the hurts, the addictions, the questions. i thought "how did i end up here?" but what i really thought was "why didn't i end up here a long time ago?'

ending the night with my friend mark heavy on my heart. he is on the verge of trust in jesus. asking the questions - how do you really believe? he knows the truth in his mind, he just isn't sure how to know the truth in his heart. i was like that for so so very long. with every ounce of time we take to pour truth in him being intentional, we give him a ride, stop in the middle of mill street, lay hands on him and pray for him. drop him off at the bus station where we tell him we love him, meaning it. yep, that's perspective changing again.

never beyond his reach

it is impossible for us to get beyond God's loving reach. he has engraved us in the palms of his hands. literally. our name is on the scars from the nails that put him on that tree. living he loved me. dying he saved me. not only me.

this morning when i pulled up to peace house from the gym, there was somebody on the porch. this is not a rare thing here. it could easily frustrate me. i mean, i just got done teaching a spin class, i have to get dressed for a busy day, i am hungry, why are they here. yeah, it could get on my nerves. but i have to choose daily to die to self and remember why i am here. why jesus sent me here. jerome. i met him a few months ago when he appeared on peace house porch. he had just gotten to jackson via a mental treatment facility in north mississippi via out of jail. we had several good talks about his past, his family and most importantly, his future. just as quickly as he showed up here, he was gone. i have not seen him in probably 3 months. i was very glad to see him last week when he showed up on the porch again. he had been in alabama where some of his family lives. he lived through the tornado, acutally lost some family and friends in it. he was back in jackson trying to get to belzoni where one of his sons lives. i found out today he has three other sons. he was here sunday where me and joseph shared a good conversation with him. he actually asked "how do you really know if you know jesus?" as we were right in the nitty gritty of talking him through that, he looks at me, as if he is about to say "I am READY!" but instead he says "can you take me to the hosptial?" sometimes around here you just have to roll with the punches. but today, he was able to get a bus ticket to belzoni. i got him some clean clothes, a bag of food for the ride and a good prayer - just about the time my dear friend Anita Trigg pulled up to peace house. that was lovely. so, pray for my brother jerome. i have a feeling i will pull back up to peace house one day and find him sittin on the porch. and if i do, i'll love him then just as much as i do today.

just another day

life downtown is never boring. i lay in the bed after a day like today and think "what have i been doing all these years?"

i wish i could remember everything that has happeend the last 4 months since moving to congress street, but there never seems to be time to sit down and capture it on keyboard. i'm gonna try my best. i don't want to ever forget what i get to be a part of, what i get to see, who i get the honor to love.

ms. linda showed up on the peach house porch about 2:00 today. I was in the middle of working, about to get on a conference call and planning on leaving for kosciusko. she needed help getting in a shelter. i asked her to stay on the porch, gave her some cold water, a bannana and a hug and i finished my work.

she is 51 years old. never married. no kids. got laid off from her job last year. lost her apartment. her car. all her belongings. been staying with family. can't find work. when her family turned her back on her jesus brought her to us. we helped her get in salvation army emergency shelter. they only allow you to stay for 14 days free then you have to pay by the week. she has no job, can't find a job, can't stay there. she had two options. find a womens shelter or stay on the street.

after trying to get the womens shelter we work with on the phone and not having luck, i took a chance and drove ms linda there. we got lucky because they had one bed availalbe. went through the whole intake process. best part about this for me was this scene - social worker asked her for her id and she laughs and says "you gotta make me go to texas!" aka.....dig down in her bra for it. hilarious.

go through all the rules, all the requirements, all the responsibilites. we went back to salvation army to get all of her personal items. i sat there and watched her pack up her stuff. everything in about 5 plastic grocery size bags. have you ever seen anyone move everything they have in 5 plastic grocery bags? when i moved here i had 5 car loads full of stuff. took us one trip down the stairs to get it in my car.

driving through jackson from one shelter to another. she had lots of stories to tell me. she has been in jackson her whole life. knows all the streets. all the stores. all the people. amazing lady i start finding out she is.

get her back to new temporary home. get her situated. i start feeling like the mother that takes her kid to summer camp for the first time. not real sure about leaving them there, want to make sure they didn't forget anything. don't forget to brush your teeth, be nice, write me etc.....i remind myself she is old enough to be my mother and this is not by choice she is in this shelter, all circumstance.

as i get ready to leave i have already made friends with the other women there. one randomly ask me to pray for her sister who is a missionary and her daughter who wants to be a missionary. seriously. so we all get out on the driveway, 4 strangers, and pray. i pray for julie, jackie, jennifer and laura. never met them in my life. what an honor. THEN. they pray for me. humbled.

i left that part of town headed back to this part of town. pass mario at the bus station, he waves to me. see chi chi in front of the king edward asking someone for money, as he always is. see third eye walking down amite street. yes, his name is third eye, or his street name is. which i don't really get because he really only has one eye. i can only imagine that the other one was forced out in a fight or by a knife or gun. turn down congress and see brandon and suanne in our yards. talk to them, give them hugs, love on them. come inside the peace house and remember i was supposed to have been in kosciusko 6 hours ago.

to the rest of the world i may be weird. but when you start conforming to jesus and stop conforming to the world, you are weird. i love being weird.