from then.....to now

It's been 1 year since I shared my story, since I moved from downtown, since I had no idea how this was going to work.

here is the post from August 27, 2014.  What a great reminder to me of how far the Lord has moved the mark.

http://jrasberry.blogspot.com/2014/08/movin-to-midtown.html

so many promises fulfilled.
so many dreams dreamed.
so many tears, laughs, screams, "help me Jesus" moments.
so many new people the Lord has brought in my life.
so many opportunities to share His story, His love, His plan.
so many miracles.

so much still left to do.
so many miracles waiting to be released from heaven.

In September last year, a few weeks after I set out on this journey, I got the amazing opportunity to go to Portugal. It was so beautiful, and really good for my heart and soul.

On our last day there, I stopped at a little store and saw some porcelin tiles that I was instantly drawn to. I thought, "how pretty these would be on the front of my house!", and as quickly as I got excited, just as quick the enemy came at me. Saying nasty things like, "what if this doesn't work, then what? what if you don't get the house, then you just have tiles that are useless." It was such an attack.

I was standing in Portugal, at a little store, staring at these tiles, having this battle with the enemy. REALLY?

I got it together, told the enemy to shut up, turned my ears/eyes/heart/mind back to my Father and he said "Buy the tiles."

so I bought the tiles.

They have been wrapped up in the same paper they were packed in to bring home, for all of this whole year. I finally took them out a few weeks ago and was ready to get them suited up to put on the front of the house. I asked my sweet dear little brother Levi to help me make something to set them in, from the old slats of wood that came out of the house. These little pieces of wood are a whole story - I would guess there were over 10,000 of them underneath the sheet rock and plaster. They were my worst enemy during the demo. Some of you reading this helped take them down, so you know what I'm talking about.

so, here we are, 1 year later. It may not seem like a big deal to you that there is 3 small tiles stuck in some wood hanging on the front of my house, but ya'll, this is HUGE for me. The struggle on the inside of me that day in Lisbon, to the struggle on the inside of me every day on McTyere, the struggle is real.

But the faithfulness of Jesus is more real.

Very soon I will have a light hanging above this. Shedding light on the promises of the Lord. Literally.

and my long time friend Nate helped make it beautiful.  If I would have given the enemy what he wanted that day in Portugal, Nate would have missed this miracle.  That will make you think......

"For the LORD is good. His unfailing love continues forever, and his faithfulness continues to each generation."  Psalm 100:5

true repentance = true forgiveness = true restoration

Judges 10:6-18

"Again the Israelites did evil in the eyes of the Lord. They served the Baals and the Ashtoreths, and the gods of Aram, the gods of Sidon, the gods of Moab, the gods of the Ammonites and the gods of the Philistines. And because the Israelites forsook the Lord and no longer served him, he became angry with them. He sold them into the hands of the Philistines and the Ammonites, who that year shattered and crushed them. For eighteen years they oppressed all the Israelites on the east side of the Jordan in Gilead, the land of the Amorites. The Ammonites also crossed the Jordan to fight against Judah, Benjamin and Ephraim; Israel was in great distress. Then the Israelites cried out to the Lord, “We have sinned against you, forsaking our God and serving the Baals.”

The Lord replied, “When the Egyptians, the Amorites, the Ammonites, the Philistines, the Sidonians, the Amalekites and the Maonites oppressed you and you cried to me for help, did I not save you from their hands? But you have forsaken me and served other gods, so I will no longer save you. Go and cry out to the gods you have chosen. Let them save you when you are in trouble!”

But the Israelites said to the Lord, “We have sinned. Do with us whatever you think best, but please rescue us now.” Then they got rid of the foreign gods among them and served the Lord. And he could bear Israel’s misery no longer.

When the Ammonites were called to arms and camped in Gilead, the Israelites assembled and camped at Mizpah. The leaders of the people of Gilead said to each other, “Whoever will take the lead in attacking the Ammonites will be head over all who live in Gilead.”

gods. all these nasty gods. something worshiped because it has power over you, or you believe it has power that can help you.

The gods that the Israelites turned to were pure demonic. Actually if you look up the god, Baal, it says "demon" and the pictures that depict what he looked like, look like demons. Why would you want to worship something so ugly?

God's chosen people, rescued from slavery, given a land of abundance and beauty....walked right back into darkness. Why would they do this? Why would they forsake what the Lord had done for them and given them? And this wasn't the first time, this was the FIFTH time they turned away from God and turned towards disobedience. FIVE times! Get it together oh people of Israel.

And then, when they were at the end of their rope, when those ugly, nasty, demon gods they thought could save them, failed to even answer when they tried to talk to them - they got it together. They went back to their first love. They called on the Lord.

What must that have looked like? An entire nation repenting, saying no to all the darkness over them, calling on the name of the Lord, saying "We have sinned against you because we have abandoned you as our God and have served the images of Baal." Did they all get together in one place and yell this out at the same time? Did they each fall on their faces and say this in their own homes? Did they all post it on facebook, twitter, instagram with #wearesorryGod #pleaseforgiveus?

An entire nation. Repenting. Turning from evil. Turning back to God.

It happened. And it can happen again. For real.

My heart grieves as I read the response from the Lord back to them. As they walked away from the Lord 5 times before, they called on God as a last resort for rescuing, and God says to them....

I rescued you before. You turned away from me. You chose other gods over me. Let those gods rescue you now.

But, they pleaded with God again (again, I wonder what that looked like for the entire nation to do), and this time, it was a genuine, life changing, giving up all that is evil, true repentance, cry to the Lord.

God's great, sweet, beautiful, mercy. God was grieved by their misery. Their broken and contrite heart.

"Going through the motions doesn't please you, a flawless performance is nothing to you. I learned God-worship when my pride was shattered. Heart-shattered lives ready for love don't for a moment escape God's notice."
Psalm 51:16-17

Don't be a habitual emotional repenter.

True repentance = True forgiveness = True restoration

When I finally "got it" in my life, the Lord rescued me just like he did the Israelites. I walked away from the Lord way more than 5 times, but that last time I went to him and cried out, and REALLY meant it, He changed my life forever. And I'm never going back. How could I when I get to do life with these little brown people.

tola, jair, and all us

Judges 10:1-5

"After the time of Abimelek, a man of Issachar named Tola son of Puah, the son of Dodo, rose to save Israel. He lived in Shamir, in the hill country of Ephraim. He led Israel twenty-three years; then he died, and was buried in Shamir. He was followed by Jair of Gilead, who led Israel twenty-two years. He had thirty sons, who rode thirty donkeys. They controlled thirty towns in Gilead, which to this day are called Havvoth Jair. When Jair died, he was buried in Kamon."

This is all we know about Tola and Jair. They both served as judges, faithfully until they died, and they both died with honor and dignity for their service to God.

That's what I want. To serve the Lord faithfully until the end, and that is all I want people to know about me when I am gone.

Oh, but one more thing.....I want people to know that I loved a whole bunch of kids into the kingdom of heaven with me.

This summer has been long, stressful, challenging, and exhausting. The last two years I lived on Cohea Street and was there in the community and fully present for the kids (and all other ages of beautiful people) at all times. Not having a home there this summer has been extremely difficult. It has for sure made me value the necessity of living right in the middle of where you minister, a whole lot more. Even the simple things like....having to find a place to use the bathroom in the middle of the day, to the bigger things like.....needing a place to really spend quality time with people that is safe and comfortable.

I am so ready to be done with this house. I am so ready to live there and just, just be there. I feel like the Lord has pushed the pause button on this movie over the last month or so. Things just kind of slowed down and almost stopped, yet there is so much that is still left to be done. But in this moment of pause, I have not stopped with investing in people. Actually, the people Jesus has given me to love has expanded. Maybe that is why the work on the house has slowed down, so that I don't forsake the reason He gave me the house - for His beautiful children.

More people = more time = more issues = more miracles.

While the house is there, just waiting to be finished, my capacity to love and give continues to grow. The house is least important when you measure those two against each other. Still, I find myself thinking so many times through the day, "If I was just in the house I could do (fill in the blank)."

I am $10-$15,000 away from being able to fully complete everything. That is really not a lot when you have the richest daddy in the world.

"For all the animals of the forest are mine, and I own the cattle on a thousand hills." Psalm 50:10

And how the Lord continues to provide, is just plain crazy. And how the Lord continues to remind me that He planned all this out in His time, constantly amazes me. And how the Lord uses even the hardest and longest days ever, to give me more of what I need to keep going, never gets old.

I just wonder what all Tola and Jair did in those 23 years of service each one of them had. What all did they have to wait on and trust God for? How many hard days did they have giving to those in need? What creative ways did they have to come up with to do their job? All aside from this, I know they did it well. And as Jesus said, “The master was full of praise. ‘Well done, my good and faithful servant. You have been faithful in handling this small amount, so now I will give you many more responsibilities. Let’s celebrate together!" Matthew 25:23

People ask me a lot, "how many kids do you have?" And I have been saying, "About 30 or 40" but today we actually counted and called them by name, and here is the number we ended with. I hope it grows even more, and we are ALL ready to have a house to fit us in.