connecting the great divide

It's always in the most random of places where the Lord speaks the the most random of things to me.

Wednesday morning I was in spin class at 5:30 am, and in the middle of class, Jesus started giving me visions of the Grand Canyon.  Weird, right?  I was spinning and trying to keep up and trying to figure out what in the world the Grand Canyon had to do with spin.

The Lord said three words in the middle of the vision, "the great divide."  That was it.  I love it when He keeps me hanging.....but not for long, because then He gives me time to understand what He is trying to teach me.

Several years ago I had the chance to see the sun rise over the Grand Canyon on Easter morning.  One of those moments in life I will never forget.  Just the majesty of such an incredible thing that happens every morning, then the majesty of such an incredible thing that God made happen for us to get to see.  It really is majestic.

So, this vision, those three words, my memory of that morning.......

"What, Lord, are you trying to tell me?"

Two masses of land, separated, independent of each other, at least on the surface.  Each side has one thing that connects them - what is underneath, and a stream of water running right through it.

"Ok, Lord, I think I am starting to get it.  But, what else?"

Another vision came.  It was me in someone's house, a big, beautiful, house.  They were showing me around at all the things they had accumulated over the years.  They showed me one room off the kitchen that was full of food.  Like, floor to ceiling stacked high with food.  Canned goods, breads, sweets, anything you could think of, it was in there.  A room that is bigger than my bedroom, full of food.


And then another vision.  Me in my house, trying to feed everyone that comes through the door.  Opening the pantry and the refrigerator and not having anything in there, or only having just enough for the next meal.


"Ok, Lord, what does this have to do with the Grand Canyon????"

Jesus said to me, "There are two masses of people, those that have, and those that do not.  But I connect them.  They are the same to me.  I am the One that made them.  I am the One that separated them on the surface.  I am the One that connects them underneath.  I am the One that has fresh, freely flowing living water right down the middle of them.  I am the One that will bridge that gap for you, to help you get what you need."

I walked out of the gym, came home, sat on the porch, and just processed.

I spent the last 18 months asking for help to get the Light House finished, and I have SO many stories of how Jesus brought one miracle after another to get it done.  Crazy stories I love to share.  Perfect timing stories that make no sense to me.

And I feel like now I will spent the rest of my life here asking for help to keep the Light House open.  I told some of the boys last night in the middle of the street, after a tough conversation, "I AM NOT GOING ANYWHERE SO GET USED TO ME!"

This week I have gone through 3 cases of water, 6 bottles of lemonade mix, 3 packs of freeze pops, 5 big bags of assorted chips, 3 gallons of milk, multiple packs of noodles, 5 cooked meals for dinner, and a billion zillion trillion open and shutting the door sounds.  This week has got me tired.  For real, it was a long week.  Last night the boys saw me cry.  It was awkward, but this is real life down here.

Many people have asked how they can help me now.  And so many people have already helped me so much, we have not had one day that anyone was hungry or thirsty.  I have tried my best to come up with a list of things that we need, or would like to have here on hand.  This is the best way I can share with anyone that would like to join up with me here to feed my little flock.

The most beautiful thing about this picture...........

both sides of the great divide see the same sun. 

Needs for the house:

Laundry detergent and dryer sheets – Gain

Dish washing detergent and dishwasher detergent – Gain

Bath wash, shampoo, deodorant for boys (they like Axe)

Lotion for boys (coco butter)

Toilet paper

Paper towels

Garbage bags

Paper plates, cups

Zip lock bags

Aluminum foil

Big set of nice Tupperware

Clorox wipes

Febreeze

Swifter pads and spray containers

Magic erasers (to clean walls)

Glade plug ins

Bathroom trash cans and bags

Towels/bath cloths – picked some out at Target

Light bulbs

Laundry baskets – need about 4

For the boys – tall white socks, white tank tops, v-neck white tshirts, boxers (all sizes in all of these)

Plastic hangers

6 bed pillows

Needs for the pantry:

Water – large and small bottles

Freeze pops

Lemonade mix

Powerade/gatorade mix

Tea bags

Milk – gallons of 2%

Peanut butter and grape jelly

Hot pockets

Assorted bags of chips (the hot Cheetos)

White bread

Canned vegetables (kernel corn, cream corn, green beans, black beans, red beans, rotel)

Canned ravioli – pop tops

Popcorn

Fruit cups (peaches and mixed fruit)

REAL fruit – oranges, apples, strawberries, grapes

Peanut butter filled pretzels

Ramen noodles

Nutri-Grain breakfast bars

Chocolate chip granola bars

Pancake mix/syrup

Cereal – Cinamon toast crunch, fruity pebbles, fruit loops

Frozen foods/meats – chicken tenders, hot wings, french fries, ground beef, chicken breast

Anything your kids eat, my kids would eat.  (except for kale chips.  they won't try those yet.)

And donations are always helpful, to keep us afloat with many things around here.

birthing something new

 1 Samuel

"There once was a man who lived in Ramathaim. He was descended from the old Zuph family in the Ephraim hills. His name was Elkanah. (He was connected with the Zuphs from Ephraim through his father Jeroham, his grandfather Elihu, and his great-grandfather Tohu.) He had two wives. The first was Hannah; the second was Peninnah. Peninnah had children; Hannah did not.

Every year this man went from his hometown up to Shiloh to worship and offer a sacrifice to God-of-the-Angel-Armies. Eli and his two sons, Hophni and Phinehas, served as the priests of God there. When Elkanah sacrificed, he passed helpings from the sacrificial meal around to his wife Peninnah and all her children, but he always gave an especially generous helping to Hannah because he loved her so much, and because God had not given her children. But her rival wife taunted her cruelly, rubbing it in and never letting her forget that God had not given her children. This went on year after year. Every time she went to the sanctuary of God she could expect to be taunted. Hannah was reduced to tears and had no appetite.

 Her husband Elkanah said, “Oh, Hannah, why are you crying? Why aren’t you eating? And why are you so upset? Am I not of more worth to you than ten sons?”  So Hannah ate. Then she pulled herself together, slipped away quietly, and entered the sanctuary. The priest Eli was on duty at the entrance to God’s Temple in the customary seat. Crushed in soul, Hannah prayed to God and cried and cried—inconsolably. Then she made a vow:

Oh, God-of-the-Angel-Armies,
If you’ll take a good, hard look at my pain,
If you’ll quit neglecting me and go into action for me
By giving me a son,
I’ll give him completely, unreservedly to you.
I’ll set him apart for a life of holy discipline.

It so happened that as she continued in prayer before God, Eli was watching her closely. Hannah was praying in her heart, silently. Her lips moved, but no sound was heard. Eli jumped to the conclusion that she was drunk. He approached her and said, “You’re drunk! How long do you plan to keep this up? Sober up, woman!”

Hannah said, “Oh no, sir—please! I’m a woman hard used. I haven’t been drinking. Not a drop of wine or beer. The only thing I’ve been pouring out is my heart, pouring it out to God. Don’t for a minute think I’m a bad woman. It’s because I’m so desperately unhappy and in such pain that I’ve stayed here so long.”

Eli answered her, “Go in peace. And may the God of Israel give you what you have asked of him.”
“Think well of me—and pray for me!” she said, and went her way. Then she ate heartily, her face radiant.  Up before dawn, they worshiped God and returned home to Ramah. Elkanah slept with Hannah his wife, and God began making the necessary arrangements in response to what she had asked.

Before the year was out, Hannah had conceived and given birth to a son. She named him Samuel, explaining, “I asked God for him.”

When Elkanah next took his family on their annual trip to Shiloh to worship God, offering sacrifices and keeping his vow, Hannah didn’t go. She told her husband, “After the child is weaned, I’ll bring him myself and present him before God—and that’s where he’ll stay, for good.”  Elkanah said to his wife, “Do what you think is best. Stay home until you have weaned him. Yes! Let God complete what he has begun!”  So she did. She stayed home and nursed her son until she had weaned him. Then she took him up to Shiloh, bringing also the makings of a generous sacrificial meal—a prize bull, flour, and wine. The child was so young to be sent off!

They first butchered the bull, then brought the child to Eli. Hannah said, “Excuse me, sir. Would you believe that I’m the very woman who was standing before you at this very spot, praying to God? I prayed for this child, and God gave me what I asked for. And now I have dedicated him to God. He’s dedicated to God for life.”

Then and there, they worshiped God.

There are many reasons I love this book and this story.  One of them is that it's my grandmother's favorite too.  I sat with her one day and we talked about this and how she loved to read about the faith Hannah had, and the promise that came from that.  

Hannah had many reasons to feel discouraged and bitter, but instead of letting all of those emotions dictate her faithfulness to the Lord - she just prayed.  And it was not some "Dear God, just....." it was a heartfelt, tearful, from the depths of her soul, taking it to the foot of the cross, pleading to God in Heaven, being on her face, faith that moves mountains, prayer.  

It was in that, that she gave everything in her over to the Lord.  Literally.  I love what happened next.

"and God began making the necessary arrangements in response to what she had asked."

The Lord was working behind the scenes, in ways she couldn't see at the time, and in those deep places in her heart, that came out of her intensity for Him.  Then one day......what she must have felt that first day she knew she was with child.  I can't even imagine what that must have been like for her.

Well, I kinda can.  Maybe not physically, as in I all the sudden become pregnant.....but, how that feels the day God does something huge that I have been praying for, that I couldn't see He had been working on all the time.   

God is always working behind what our earthly and physical eyes and mind can see and understand.  He is always many steps ahead of us.  He is always preparing us to birth something new for His glory, His kingdom, His plan, His love.  

Now that I have a home, that is completed, it's time for the next part of the journey, for new things to be birthed.  

Adjusting to all the dirty hand prints on the newly painted walls, little black curly hairs in the bathrooms sink from hair picking, a drawer just for cereal, a drawer just for hot chips and noodles, a drawer just for freeze pops, a couch that constantly moves because it is being jumped on, flipped over, and used as a wrestling ring, a sticky porch, dirty floors, dirty dishes, taking the trash out several times a day, grocery store trips just about every day, and it goes on and on and on, new things I have never had to do before, experience, learn to deal with, and walk through.  

My friend Courtney reminded me last week, "in those moments when you want to get frustrated because your favorite juice in the refrigerator is all gone, just stop, and be thankful that you have little ones to drink it all up."  Wise friend.  

Hannah went to the Lord with the thing she desired most in the world, and she told the Lord that if He would give her that, she would give him back to Him.  And what God had planned for Samuel - came out of her willingness to sacrifice herself to the Lord.

This morning I was making my rounds picking up boys to take them to school.  I pick up JaDarius every morning at 7:30.  He's always sitting on the front steps at his house, with his backpack on, his little hoodie, and just waiting on me to get there.  I had a little "moment" as I watched him walk to the car, just stopping and being so thankful that he is alive.  He was shot back in December the day before they got out for Christmas break.  It's a miracle he is alive, really.  And here we are only 5 months later and he is healing and recovering from something the enemy tried to use to kill him.  Caught him yesterday trying to take a nap on my bed.  I love it. 

When I went to the Lord on this journey, poured my heart out to the Lord, and told Him I would do anything He wanted me to do......He took me up on that.  The good, the bad, the hard, the ugly, the funny, all of it.  Just like Hannah, giving all of herself to the Lord, her blessing and reward was birthing one of the greatest priest in the history of the world.  I'll take all the little curly hairs and dirty walls for my little army of warriors that are being birthed in this season.

 

 
 

 

update on the house - the FINISHED house

Well, here it is.  What I have been praying for, dreaming about, waiting for, and longing for. 

I don't have beds yet, so I am sleeping on the couch (that someone GAVE to us, that is EXACTLY what I had PRAYED for).  I don't have hot water yet, so I am taking cold showers here or warm ones at the gym. 

But, I have a kitchen to cook in, toilets to use, lights and air to turn on, and space to hold the masses.  I think I am still in a little bit of awe/shock/overwhelming can't believe it's real, mode.  But it's perfect.

This is what I have learned over the last few days, already.......

I am going to need lots of food.  I need a Sam's card, and all the help I can get with keeping my shelves stocked.  I have already been to McDade's and Save A Lot 6 times since Friday.  50 freeze pops are already gone.  2 cases of water are already gone.  4 boxes of cereal are already gone.  The only real food I have here is the food that I eat, that the kids think is disgusting and won't even try.  Jesus did send a big tray of good hamburgers Sunday afternoon that they devoured.  Thank you Lord for daily bread. 

No shoes allowed rule is working well.  They are already doing it on their own, without me having to remind them.  Really, I think it's because they can run and slide on the new floor in their socks.  I've stopped a few times on the front porch, just looking down at the pile of stinky shoes piled up, just taking it all in. 

Freeze pops go in the top drawer of the freezer.  You can get 50 freeze pops for about $2.00.  They love these.  I learned the first day they were frozen that keeping them in the bottom drawer of the freezer would be a lot more complicated than the top drawer.  It's funny how something that simple can make a big difference in life.  So, freeze pops go in the top drawer.

I still have to drive all over the place.  I have been thinking, "when I am in the house I won't have to drive all the time."  But, that hasn't really changed much.  I still have to get them to basketball practices and games, still have to pick them up and take them home, still have to go up and down Lamar street 900 times a day, but - they are worth it.

By the way let's talk about this for a minute........I was given a 15 passenger van.  The Lord GAVE me a van.  I can't even.  

Jesus really did a miracle here.  The first night I stayed in the house, I slept on the couch, with no curtains on the windows and the lights shining all in my face.  I really didn't even go to sleep because I laid there all night recounting every miracle of provision that Jesus has done to get me here.  I thought about every single person I could remember that had come to help, give, pray, and encourage me along the way, and I prayed for EACH OF YOU BY NAME.  Until the wee hours of the morning, I just sat with Jesus on the couch and we had the best time crying and laughing at how sweet and perfect He is.  He loves to take us back through our journey with Him so we can remember how faithful and loving He is to us.  

I was awakened this morning by my little neighbor knocking on the door at 6:30, peeking through my mail slot.  "Ms Jamie, is you in there?" 

Isaiah 60 is the best way I can really express all the emotions I have right now in life.

“What’s that we see in the distance,
    a cloud on the horizon, like doves darkening the sky?
It’s ships from the distant islands,
    the famous Tarshish ships
Returning your children from faraway places,
    loaded with riches, with silver and gold,
And backed by the name of your God, The Holy of Israel,
    showering you with splendor.
Foreigners will rebuild your walls,
    and their kings assist you in the conduct of worship.
When I was angry I hit you hard.
    It’s my desire now to be tender.
Your Jerusalem gates will always be open
    —open house day and night!—
Receiving deliveries of wealth from all nations,
    and their kings, the delivery boys!
Any nation or kingdom that doesn’t deliver will perish;
    those nations will be totally wasted.
The rich woods of Lebanon will be delivered
    —all that cypress and oak and pine—
To give a splendid elegance to my Sanctuary,
    as I make my footstool glorious.
The descendants of your oppressor
    will come bowing and scraping to you.
All who looked down at you in contempt
    will lick your boots.
They’ll confer a title on you: City of God,
    Zion of The Holy of Israel.
Not long ago you were despised refuse—
    out-of-the-way, unvisited, ignored.
But now I’ve put you on your feet,
    towering and grand forever, a joy to look at!
When you suck the milk of nations
    and the breasts of royalty,
You’ll know that I, God, am your Savior,
    your Redeemer, Champion of Jacob.
I’ll give you only the best—no more hand-me-downs!
    Gold instead of bronze, silver instead of iron,
    bronze instead of wood, iron instead of stones.
I’ll install Peace to run your country,
    make Righteousness your boss.
There’ll be no more stories of crime in your land,
    no more robberies, no more vandalism.
You’ll name your main street Salvation Way,
    and install Praise Park at the center of town.
You’ll have no more need of the sun by day
    nor the brightness of the moon at night.
God will be your eternal light,
    your God will bathe you in splendor.
Your sun will never go down,
    your moon will never fade.
I will be your eternal light.
    Your days of grieving are over.
All your people will live right and well,
    in permanent possession of the land.
They’re the green shoot that I planted,
    planted with my own hands to display my glory.
The runt will become a great tribe,
    the weakling become a strong nation.
I am God.    At the right time I’ll make it happen.”

i will always show you where to go

It's been hard.  It's been tiring.  It's been frustrating.  It's been lonely.  It's been amazing.

Somedays I didn't know where to start, what to do next, who to call, how to ask, or where to even sleep.  But WOW, what a crazy journey this past SEVENTEEN months has been.  I laugh when I think about how optimistic I was in September of 2014 - "Oh, I'll be in by Christmas."  NOT

One of those long, hot, difficult days back in the spring of last year, I was tearing down a wall and trying to wrap my head around what all it was going to take to get this mountain moved.  I was in the front bathroom, with no walls, with no floor, and the Lord said to me "get rid of all of it.  I am going to make everything brand new."  In my mind, I was trying to salvage anything I could so it would help with the cost, but the more I moved forward, the more the Lord showed me that everything in there was rotten and old and needed to be replaced.

Mountain Move. He makes ALL things new.

Today I stood in that same bathroom and marveled at what it looks like now.  Everything in there is new.  New walls.  New floors.  New bathtub.  New sink.  New counters. New cabinets.  New toilet.

He took the old, and made it new.

 “If you get rid of unfair practices,
    quit blaming victims,
    quit gossiping about other people’s sins,
If you are generous with the hungry
    and start giving yourselves to the down-and-out,
Your lives will begin to glow in the darkness,
    your shadowed lives will be bathed in sunlight.
I will always show you where to go.
    I’ll give you a full life in the emptiest of places—
    firm muscles, strong bones.
You’ll be like a well-watered garden,
    a gurgling spring that never runs dry.
You’ll use the old rubble of past lives to build anew,
    rebuild the foundations from out of your past.
You’ll be known as those who can fix anything,
    restore old ruins, rebuild and renovate,
    make the community livable again."
Isaiah 58:9-12

I want to brag on one of my boys.  He is 18, was in school at Lanier, but didn't have enough credits to graduate.  Most boys that are in this situation end up dropping out, which is what he was considering doing.  Instead, he researched all on his own and was accepted into MS Job Corps.  He withdrew from JPS and has been in Crystal Springs since early February.  He's working on completing the credits he needs to get his high school diploma, and has started taking classes to get his welding trade.  When he finishes in September, he will have accomplished so much, and will be able to get a job and have a career.

I have been trying to get him home for the weekends, or we go down and see him on Saturdays.  Last Sunday as we were headed to take him back, we stopped to eat at Cracker Barrel, of which he had never been to before.  That's always fun to take the kids to a new place (that most of us have eaten at before many times), and what do they end up getting .........  a burger.  Everywhere. Getting them to try something different is almost as difficult as restoring a house.

I had given him some money when I dropped him off.  He is able to go to Walmart during the week to get things he needs, and the occasional trip to McDonald's.  He had worked some and earned his own money too.  Monday morning he called me at 7:30 and was very upset because someone had stolen his money while he was in the shower.  The only thing he knew to do was respond the way he has always responded.....with anger and aggression.  I was able to calm him down, speak truth to him, and be the voice of reason in the midst of a tough time.  God's great favor on him abounded that morning.  There's more to the story, but just know that by the end of the day God provided money to me that I was able to share with him.  I drove back to Crystal Springs and gave it to him, using that as a tangible way to show him that when we honor God by our actions and our responses, God honors us by giving back what the enemy stole from us.

Considering where he has come from, that was a huge victory that day.  The Lord is tearing down so many old, burned out, broken, rotten, and dirty things from his heart, and making him brand new.  What an honor I got to be the one he called that morning, and what an honor I got to be the one to show Jesus to him that evening.  

Jesus keeps telling me over, and over, and over (when I don't think I can answer one more call or text, or buy one more burger, or stop one more argument, or clean my car one more time.....)

"You take care of them, and I'll take care of you."

and that, He keeps doing.

what are you sowing in to?

There is a young girl I have known for many years, who is on the adventure of a lifetime.  She is traveling all over the world, literally, forgoing her first year of college, to live and serve with people and take the Good News to them. 

I have been keeping up with her on instagram and facebook, and this week she messaged me from Malawi.  I told her I was jealous of her adventures some days!  I first met her when she was a middle school student at Pinelake and have seen her grow and mature into this beautiful young woman who is taking boldness and bravery to the ends of the earth. 

When I look back over the years I have known her, I don't see that I had much influence over her life, or that I really did much to invest in her, but after all these years and the little time that I did spend with her, I am seeing the fruits of that now - by her messaging me from Africa, to encourage me! What a beautiful thing that is.  A little seed sown produces much fruit.

The very first mission trip I went on, in 2007, changed my entire life.  I wouldn't be sitting here today, stressed out about getting this house finished, if people had not sown into my life nearly 10 years ago.  Even if it was 1 person that supported me on that 1 trip, it was 1 gift that sowed into my life. 

This morning I was making my carpool rounds, gathering up teenage boys, dropping them off for school - sowing in to their lives, even if it is just for 5 minutes.  I love to watch them walk down the street.  I love to see them coming in a group with their hood covering their heads and their backpacks on.  I love getting to tell them, "have a good day, I love you."  And I love that one day very soon they can all walk to my house in the mornings before school, and come to my house after school to get a snack, help with homework, sit on the porch, use the bathroom - whatever they need.

Rebuilding a house has been a million times harder to me than sowing in to the hearts of these kids.  And trust me, it is hard with them!  But for all of the people that have helped me on this house, even if it was just 1 time, 1 day, 1 donation......you are sowing in to something so much bigger than that.  You are sowing in to the lives of these amazing young men that teach me so much, love me back, make me laugh, make me cry, give me joy and suffering at the same time, and are the next generation of our capital city, that are going to be the ones that make things different. 

This is what the Lord said to me yesterday:

"I could have put you in any other hood in Jackson, or around the world, but I put you in theirs.....because I LOVE THEM THAT MUCH."

Today I met the guys that were coming to repair, sand, and stain my floors.  Another step of completion so I can get in this house.  An hour after they got there ...... part of the sub floor was rotten and needs to be replaced before they can do anything.

Can you hear my sigh in Malawi, Megan? 

Some days it is just to much.  To much to do.  To much that goes wrong.  To much that I don't even know what to do next.  To much that I have no control of.

I just take a deep breath, ask Jesus to help me, and think about the 5 minute conversation I had in the car with Kendarius on the way to school, that was about brushing our teeth and finding a quarter under the seat. 

"But the one who plants in response to God, letting God's Spirit do the growth work in him, harvests a crop of real life, eternal life."  Galatians 6:8

it's been a minute

Judges 17

There was a man named Micah, who lived in the hill country of Ephraim.  One day he said to his mother, “I heard you place a curse on the person who stole 1,100 pieces of silver from you. Well, I have the money. I was the one who took it.”  “The Lord bless you for admitting it,” his mother replied.  He returned the money to her, and she said, “I now dedicate these silver coins to the Lord. In honor of my son, I will have an image carved and an idol cast.”

So when he returned the money to his mother, she took 200 silver coins and gave them to a silversmith, who made them into an image and an idol. And these were placed in Micah’s house.  Micah set up a shrine for the idol, and he made a sacred ephod and some household idols. Then he installed one of his sons as his personal priest.

 In those days Israel had no king; all the people did whatever seemed right in their own eyes.  One day a young Levite, who had been living in Bethlehem in Judah, arrived in that area.  He had left Bethlehem in search of another place to live, and as he traveled, he came to the hill country of Ephraim. He happened to stop at Micah’s house as he was traveling through. “Where are you from?” Micah asked him.  He replied, “I am a Levite from Bethlehem in Judah, and I am looking for a place to live.”  “Stay here with me,” Micah said, “and you can be a father and priest to me. I will give you ten pieces of silver a year, plus a change of clothes and your food.”  The Levite agreed to this, and the young man became like one of Micah’s sons.  So Micah installed the Levite as his personal priest, and he lived in Micah’s house.  “I know the Lord will bless me now,” Micah said, “because I have a Levite serving as my priest.”

Micah and his mom - they seemed to be good, moral, giving people, and they seemed to really have a heart to serve God, but they let their own desires lead them rather than their obedience to God.  This culture had gotten ok with just doing whatever each person thought was right for them.  Being independent and self reliant are ok, but only when they are in alignment with the standards God sets for us. 

Self-interest was where they were, and where we still are today.  Time has not changed human, sinful, nature.  Just like the people that lived during this time, people today are still replacing true worship with homemade worship - whatever works for you, works for me.   

This Levite left home looking for a better paycheck, probably because the people were not tithing like they were supposed to, and the priest/Levites were bankrupt.  Because of the moral decay of the people, so was the moral decay of some "serving" God. 

It's been a minute since I have had a minute to sit down and write.  It's been a minute since I have just had a minute to sit down.  Every day is busy.  Every day is full of things that are important and need to be done.  Every day is crazy and beautiful and hard and tiring and incredible.  It seems like a new sheep joins my little flock every week, and they are the most beautiful little sheep I have ever seen in my life!  I myself am a fluffy little sheep skipping along as fast as I can behind my Shepard.  

Here's where we are.....................................if you want to know where your support goes, I want to break it down for you.

I feed teenage boys just about every day.  They are always hungry.  I am trying to break them from craving McChickens and hot fries.  This is an ongoing battle.  Help me.  A few love fruit, a few won't touch it.  I will not give up the fruit fight.

Hair cuts.  I get my hair cut, like once every 3 months.  Mainly because I never have time to go get it done, or the money, because I am paying for 9,000 other hair cuts a week.  Hair is really important to the boys.  And when they think theirs looks "nappy", I'm over here like, "what are you talking about!  it's 1 centimeter long!" 
  
Clothes, shoes, school uniforms.  This has been a year of growth spurts.  I am not ready to handle that they are all getting bigger than me.  Becoming like grown men.  I am not ready for this.  And this whole voice changing getting deeper thing..........I can't even go there right now.  

Gas.  Not the kind that is exceedingly frequent inside my car, but the kind that gets put in the car to drive all over the city of Jackson.  I drive around a lot.  I feel like the JTran sometimes.  Same routes, same roads, same kids.  One call, that's all.  Jtran (Jamie Transportation) will pick you up wherever you are and take you wherever you need to go.  That about sums it up.  

Basketball games.  I learned a very valuable lesson near the end of this year's season, that I am already preparing for, for next year's season.  Had I known that you could buy a season pass from JPS for $30 to get you in any athletic event for the whole year, I could have saved about the same amount of money as the lottery just gave to someone.  2 to 4 games a week, 2 to 20 people that want to go.  $5 a person.  You do the math.  

Phones.  OMG.  These phones are about to give me a phoneattack.  Chargers, cases, minutes, etc......But how else am I going to keep up with them.  I have to know they are OK every single day.  

And then there are just all these other things.  Birthday's, getting out and doing fun things together, school supplies, putting money on commissary accounts at the jail (some are on vacation there from time to time), you name it, I have probably been asked it and helped get it.  Still not sure the guinea pig is going to happen though.........

And I haven't even talked about trying to rebuild a house yet.  My mind tries to shut off somedays when I have to think about all that.  But, if this house doesn't get finished, then none of this other stuff can get easier.  

I can cook food and keep food in my kitchen.  I have a friend that is a barber that we are already talking about having him come to the house every week to cut as many heads as possible on the back porch.  I will have closets I can keep clothes in to share, and a washer and dryer to keep them all clean.  I won't have to be driving all over the capital city, everyone can walk to my house.  Basketball, well.....I learned my lesson on that one and can buy season passes for every.single.one.of.them.  

The house is so, so, so close to being finished.  It really is a miracle, the whole entire thing.  I should be getting power and heat turned on in the next week.  That is crazy when I think about where I started.  I remember writing a post about believing for $50,000 to get it all done, and here I am with maybe less than $10,000 needed to completely finish it.  I am to a place where I can say.....I WILL BE IN THERE BY SPRING BREAK.  

This whole thing with Micah and his mom.  I don't want to ever be so far away from God that I just "do what seemed right in their own eyes."  And I don't want anyone to ever give or support not knowing what they were giving to and supporting.  So that's what I got from Judges 17.  

This was the kitchen.  And this will be the kitchen.  Where no more McChickens will be served.

 

the year of miracles

In January of last year (well technically of this year, but since there are just 2 more days in this year, we will go ahead and call it, last year) I set out on a 90 day fast.  Fasting is my least favorite thing to do for Jesus, so when the Lord told me to go for that long, I knew there  were big things He wanted to teach me and show me.  There were some big questions I was asking the Lord, and there were some even bigger questions He was asking me. 

Some of my questions were:

How am I going to get this house finished?

How am I going to get this house finished?

How am I going to get this house finished?

How am I going to do this?

How am I going to do this?

How am I going to do this?

I set my feet down on January 1, 2015 believing for provisions - for completion - for the house - for more of the Lord so I can do this - for many salvations. 

As each demo day came (that I thought would never end), so did strategies from Jesus on how to use the house when it was finished.  It was really simple, Jesus said, "Live there, love there."  I saw a house full of kids…...eating dinner around the table, sitting at the kitchen counter doing homework, washing clothes, sleeping in the extra bedrooms, helping me work in the yard, learning how to be loved by Jesus.  That’s better than any strategy I could have created. 

Early in the spring, Jesus gave me the name for the house.  The Light House.  Here is the story as to how that happened - The Light House

The questions Jesus asked me during this fast were some hard ones. 

What are you contending for? 

What are you willing to do for breakthrough? 

What will you give up for me? 

What if…..it gets lonely, to hard, overwhelming, tiring, no one comes to help, etc….  That was the hardest one.

Then in the midst of these hard questions, Jesus said, “this is a year of miracles, just watch and see.” 

So that is how 2015 started…..

“You are THE God who performs miracles,

you display your power among the people.” 

Pslam 77:14

And how is it ending?  Well, the miracles abounded above and beyond anything I could have ever imagined or dreamed of.  So, so, so many people came to help.  People I had never met before, people who I don't know will ever understand how thankful and grateful and humbled I have been for everything you have done, given, and prayed with me for. If you are one of those people - THANK YOU!!!!!!  

It has been a hard year.  An inconvenient year.  A tiring year.  A busy year.  And just like the Lord said, a year of miracles. They continue to fall from his throne.  They continue to amaze me.  They continue to overwhelm me.  His love continues to change me.  

There is more, more, more, more.  Always more from Jesus. Always.